go slow

after watching "the soloist"

2010-02-09T22:31:00.001-08:00

i was kind of reluctant to watch this film as i was suspicious that it was a simple, heart-tugging film, but i found it to be grittily honest. furthermore it reminded me that life is fleeting, and we need to take advantage (in a positive way), learning, understanding, feeling. today's world is so full of distractions, be they digital or otherwise. it reminded me of a field interview that i performed in Brazil, which resulted as follows:

"- ...I believe, truthfully, I don’t know if you believe, but I believe that the Apocalypse is already the end of the times. It’s biblical.

But isn’t that the definition of the word? [laughs]
- I believe in the end of times. I believe that God exists and is arriving because there’s no repairing. Whatever repair… principally Brazil and the whole world, because it’s destroyed. Only God. Only someone very powerful, because men here on earth…

Would you say that you don’t think that humans can get themselves out of this situation?
- No. They can’t anymore.

Why not?
- Humans have no energy for this. No, sir. It’s over. It’s over. In my mind, I only believe in God. Invented planes, invented everything, now I want to see if they [humans] can conquer the violence in the world. No man has appeared to do so. So much sickness, violence, and they haven’t been able to do it. When a man has the knowledge of God. I believe and I trust."

after i turned the tape off, i turned to this woman, who had been generous enough to give me her time, sit with me in her home with her daughter to discuss goals for the future. i told her that i didn't believe in this, that humans are beyond the help of anything but God. this is why i search, this is why i learn, because i believe that the solution is within us. all of us. not some of us. for me, this doesn't write God, or whatever you may believe out of the equation, we are all part of the same thing.

in the tone of the last post, i feel like we need to be creating things, moving toward better understanding of others, as i feel that this, learning from others, appreciating others, family, friends, acquaintances; this is key in life. i feel like most of the time we're tempted to preach, tempted to urge others on in the way that we feel is best suited to them. life's too short to dictate passions, needs, etc (ironically, now i am being preachy here).

i find it humorous that many these days are so open, so frank with their lives to an audience unknown here on the web, and at the same time, are relatively invisible to their families, their friends. not to de-valorize the need to be connected online, but i think life's about disconnecting from the web, taking a walk, taking time for tea or coffee with a friend, sitting down with your wife, your girlfriend, your significant other to truly connect. i think that's about it for now.

need to create something

2010-01-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

i desperately need to create something. lots of updates, long time passed, approximately a whole year since the last post. what this generally means is that i have been successful in re-tooling my professional direction. more to come later.

visual media

2008-12-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

upon seeing a few things recently, i was provoked in the following ways:

after watching one episode of "mad men", which is apparently super-popular these days, i was disgusted. not that it's not interesting and catchy in a soap-opera way. my beef is that it's some wet-dream of the power that some men had in the past, the subjugation of women, the "magic" of marketing, having plenty of drinks with the good ol' boys, living the "dream". i care not that it may be engaging, what i take more issue with is that under all these difficult economic times, we yearn for the same system that we've been residing upon, the obsession and fetishism of marketing and commoditization. more so, after watching the movie below, makes me wonder, as my brother steve asked today, why would people produce this pap when they could be focusing on much more interesting issues.

after seeing "war, inc." by mr john cusack, i was really amazed in the beginning when looking at all the exaggerated ways that today's industrial military complex was depicted. it seemed completely surreal to me, until mid-way through the film, i believe when the tank delivers dry-cleaned shirts, and a soldier hopped up on dehydrated coffee is shooting his gun as if he were playing some game. from this point on, i saw that the exaggerations were simply extensions of what is already going on, how the United States has privatized industries to reap the "opportunities" that are created from the destruction of war, like halliburton and kellogg brown and root (whose logo seems to be ripped off as "tamerlane" in the film). the discrepancy of the "stable green zone" and the highly destroyed fringe areas, the inexperienced, eager contract soldiers, and many other features definitely reminded me of Iraq. even the fake country of "turaqistan" is a merge between Iraq and Afghanistan.

ahh.. that's about all i can handle for now.
abraços,

merry christmas!

2008-12-24T17:15:00.000-08:00

hope everyone's having fantastic holidays and that the bleak travel infrastructure here in seattle as well as throughout the north of the US is not inhibiting people to visit with their families and friends. that's the best part of the holiday.

abraços,

snow, snow everywhere

2008-12-18T16:52:00.001-08:00

well, my wife's finally back and i'm very happy!! finally ready for the season, i truly enjoy the thanksgiving/christmas/holidays portion of the year, really believe that it is the time where we appreciate those who really matter to us. despite the road conditions, i hope it continues to snow in seattle, it is beautiful, makes everything so serene and slightly fantastical.

while riding the bus to the airport to meet her, many people were on their ways to the airport as well, but the buses were terribly late today and made me ruminate on those heading home for the holidays. i hope that everyone's able to get to their families without many hitches, as although this part of the year sometimes is the more relaxed part, it's a big rush often and stressful as we enjoy so few holidays here in the US.

i hope that all those heading home for the holidays, or driving in such weather, reach their destinations not only safely but have a wonderful holiday full of cheer and love.

abraços,

reason for post about happiness

2008-12-04T10:36:00.000-08:00

the reason for my pondering the "pursuit of happiness" question yesterday was the fact that i was thinking about my wife and how much she's changed my life for the better, because she supports my development, and makes me so much better of a person than i could ever aspire without her. so, at the risk of portraying myself as a sappy fellow, i'm posting this. and, i already miss her, as she's traveling for work, even though i last saw her about 24 hours ago.

happiness...

2008-12-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

another thing that i was pondering: happiness. although many governments portray to have the best interests of people at their heart, i truly believe that the best that can be done for people is to provide them with the means to discover happiness. i wholeheartedly agree with our forefathers here in the US that "life, liberty and the persuit of happiness" are the basic rights.

i think many demand that everything be done for them, that the only thing that we have to do in life is to take the packaging off what we're given. but as trite as it sounds, i believe that the only way that we find happiness is by looking for it in the first place. there's not some vast checklist, containing items such as "buy a house", "travel once per year", "eat out once a week", "meet up with the family", etc. that can be prescibed to those wishing to be happy.

happiness is something that may change over time, maturing, or fluctuating. and it's something not to be left for the end, as there's no way to make up for lost time.

i was going to be apolitical for this time around, but this made me think of prop 8 in california, and while searching for "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" i stumbled across the following post which is far more eloquent than i could possibly be on this subject.

abraços,

rumination on saudade...

2008-12-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

saudade is a portuguese word for longing, or missing something or someone. the feeling that it implies is rather profound, although many times that i have stayed in Brazil they have told me that the word is untranslatable, however i disagree. the word is translatable, but i think at times the feeling is not.

was just listening to the pinback song "tres" and it reminded me of when i saw them live, and rob (one of the singers/multintrumentalists) was singing "hello?" in the loneliest voice and tone that i've ever heard before, and i think that is saudade.

the interesting thing to me is that the word can mean such bright and happy, and such dull, deep pain when used in particular concepts. a brazilian will say "morri de saudades..." meaning "i died of longing" upon re-encountering with someone special but this can sometimes be bright. i've heard of at least one brazilian, probably a poet, spoke of his longing to see Brazil through the expression "saudade" but died without ever seeing it again.

quick commentary, just to throw something out there

2008-12-02T08:56:00.001-08:00

ingrid betancourt: ok, so she's descendant of a French family but born in Colombia, married to a Frenchman but divorced and re-married to a Colombian why perhaps does the media refer to her as a "Colombian-French" politician? i wonder if its because if someone from Latin America is kidnapped that it is the "normalcy" so it is not widely reported upon, while when someone from Europe or Canada/US is kidnapped it becomes international news. curious.

good cd(s) to check out

2008-11-10T14:25:00.000-08:00

if you have the chance, i strongly recommend that you listen to or purchase the self-titled "little joy" cd, out on rough trade. it came out the day of the election, and has a really nostalgic feel to it, rather breezy and light. it's especially good cause it has rodrigo amarante from los hermanos on it, in addition to fabrizio moretti from the strokes and binki shapiro. also, really cool cd artwork (as shown above).

-also-
never to be underestimated, marcelo camelo's (of los hermanos, as well) new cd "sou" is also fantastic, at moments more stripped down, but still really light, happy feel, probably the highlight would be the already wildly popular "janta" in Brazil. seems like amarante and camelo are on the same wavelength in terms of tones.

abraços,

we did it! yes we did!

2008-11-06T15:53:00.000-08:00

halleluia! we did it, we elected mr. barack obama to lead the United States of America! i am vindicated in my belief that the people will make the right choice! it may have taken us 8 years of enduring the bush doctrine and administration to open people's eyes, and the final blow was dealt via the economy that was crippled due to reaganomics and lack of regulation in the markets by the government (both parties were guilty in my opinion), but we're back in it! yesterday i was blissfully happy, as i am today. may we keep our hopes high, but make the changes we need now by supporting our new president and uniting the country!
abraços,

p.s. above photo the 3k people who celebrated here in seattle, in capitol hill.

election, 2008:

2008-11-04T16:42:00.001-08:00

may this election lead to the presidency of Barack Obama. i am hoping that throughout the nation, change comes to this country, and people will wake up, seeking out to re-establish and fix our country profoundly. vastly encouraging to see the large numbers of people coming to the polls. i've already volunteered this morning to knock on doors throughout the seattle area, and was glad to see so many joining together!

obama for the win!

2008-10-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

just mailed in my ballet, now i just need to wait and cross my fingers til the fourth!

greenspan cedes that free-market economic ideology has failed

2008-10-23T11:07:00.001-07:00

greenspan cedes that free-market economic ideology has failed this is some of the best news i could hope for, especially heading into a crucial election. gives me some faith if some are giving up dogmatic preachings for practicality. hallelujah!

fragment, sliver of time

2008-09-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

so. i've been trying to start off application introductions with benoit mandelbrot's quote that clouds are not the heterogenous surface that they appear to be, but homogenously containing irregularities. here's a little taste:

it's interesting that today i was walking, and i noticed between brazil and seattle, there is no end or beginning to me. odd (or not), my experiences seem to be blending together in some untangleable bunch. i do say this in the best manner, as being here in brazil has energized me, and kicked things up. i think this means i'm on the right track. i guess fragmented this becomes:

"that i, am walking today, and noticed ends between, interesting brazil and seattle or the beginning absent to me. Or as be mixed be not with the untangleable bunch with my experience that is strange it is thought. i think that i who i say this am this means i am doing me well, with the best way in the time that able to notice life and raised that it is in brazil here."

"while you were running is the reason for everything,
except for what makes stuff rest,
and in the town they are passing and galloping" - mice parade

interpol pda

2008-09-24T21:53:00.001-07:00

something to say
something to do
nothing to say
when there's nothing to do

random

2008-09-21T20:31:00.001-07:00

"i want to hurry home to you, put on a slow down show for you, crack you up..."
- in Brazil with the puppy zack wylde.

in Brazil, notes from flight

2008-09-18T20:39:00.000-07:00

it's midnightish and i'm flying high, listening to bright eyes, looking out into a sea of stars, some clouds and thunder. the plane's only half full, if that. such a foreign feeling flying, disembodied from earthly things. listening to "little beast" by elbow now. boom again of lightning in the distance. you know, i thought i'd fear space travel and yet maybe i'm used to it now. as long as i come back , i suppose.

beautiful afternoon

2008-09-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

so i'm sitting here in red square, under a very warm september sun looking at mount rainier... it's amazingly beautiful here. and i'm heading out from seattle in a few days to head down to Brazil for one month. we'll probably end up moving to Brazil in a few years, but i'm sure i'll miss the mountains, and possibly even the rain here.

i guess i'm glad that i can least enjoy it. hopefully everyone else in the area is also enjoying the warm sun and beautiful weather.

i miss my wife, and i know that she lives for this type of weather, but since she's far away, she's not able to enjoy it. hopefully once she comes back she'll still catch some great weather here.

plastilina mosh lyrics

2008-09-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

"baby, i'm a millionaire. i've got power like tony blair." - "millionaire"

"i'm not a mind reader, i'm not houdini, i'm not a c.i.a. agent" - "cut the crap"

"hola, soy el volumén de tú corazón. aló? aló!" (hello, i'm the volume of your heart. hello? hello!" - "aló"

missing my wife! :(

2008-09-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

well, my wife is currently in Africa for three weeks, so i'm missing her a great deal! unfortunately we will be apart during our three year aniversary, but i'm looking forward to seeing her, counting the days! she's only been gone for not even three days, and i miss her so already... but it's good to feel these pings, and i agree with her that sometimes being away for a little bit reinspires! i'm trying to take advantage of the time by reading, taking action on projects, and just keep busy to make the time go quicker!

why some tv role models all agressive, ridiculous overdemanding people?

2008-09-02T23:10:00.000-07:00

just a quick question here: after watching multiple blips of shows (such as a woman reforming beauty salons, simon from American idol) it seems that many figures that are seemingly role models are selected for their agressive, egotistical behavior. what is it that we expect to gain from such examples? i wonder.

rest in peace grandma

2008-08-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

well, yesterday my grandmother passed away after a long, pretty healthy life. she had huntington's disease, which is a degenerative neurological disease but as she made it to her mid-80s, she passed the general time where the disease strikes. i'm lucky that i was able to see her one of the last times that she had her eyes open and was conscious. i pray for her and was blessed to have her as an influence in my life.

another miserable-weather day

2008-08-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

well, i'm at remedy teas enjoying one of their 150 different types of teas (yesterday it was a green "cherry rose, number 26", which was nice and light, and today it's their "77, a yunnan black tea" which is very earthy, light body but bold flavor. i'm working on different projects, and it's always lovely to get out of the house, and see people around me. fernanda will be taking off for almost four weeks in mozambique, and i'm really already anticipating how much i'll miss her.

in the meantime, i plan on getting the coveted work for pay position that i've been looking for, and continuing both work towards grad school, as well as my diverse interests (probably between music, visual images, etc). seems like lots of things are shifting recently, jones came back, then returned to Africa, now nathaniel is headed out to Paris.

new blog created!

2008-08-27T11:18:00.001-07:00

i've acted on one of my interests and created a community blog, to share expertise: seattl(e)ife. hope you enjoy, let me know if you'd like to contribute.

abraços,
burnptcruisers

jones' visit, radiohead, etc. what was up in august?

2008-08-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

hey hey,
haven't jotted things down, but for me that generally means that i'm out accomplishing instead of providing details. :) jones' visit was spectacular, started off by much festivities, and ended by much mirth-making as well. i'm glad that i didn't blow any time with him, as i was the only one out of the group without a fixed work-hour frame, i was able to spend plenty of time getting filled in about what was going on in his mind, what he thought of uganda, plans on doing in the near future. dave and i dropped him off at the airport, and after he confronted a mile-long line for northwest air (i don't know what was up, but it was certainly a longer wait than normal), he made it through and has probably arrived, or almost arrived in uganda again. i hope that he's filled with energy, and pushes himself to get everything he wants done in his last 9 mos (i'm sure he will).

on the 20th, went to the radiohead show at auburn. was spectacular as always. started by chillin' with eric, abdon and katie having some budweiser in the parking lot :). steve had given me a ticket for my bday/christmas, and i got to sit up just after the pit. the set was great, they even slipped up on "faust arp", and went into a neil young song, and after then i feel better connected with the audience. they even brought nigel godrich out to play "in limbo". super cool beginning to "pyramid song" with jonny playing his guitar with a cello bow, really added to the atmosphere. i got a really nice but pricey water bottle, which i am utilizing endlessly now.

for the university of washington, we were present at Brasilfest here at the Seattle center, and that was a lot of fun, and refreshing to share ideas with the folks over there, both Brazilians and not. :)

unfortunately my grandma isn't doing so well, so i went up to see her on sunday, and although she seemed fairly alert, the next day she apparently isn't moving around or even opening up her eyes. i'll keep focusing positive energy her way. she's already lived a long, pretty healthy life at 85.

i guess that's about it for now.

jones almost back

2008-08-04T17:42:00.000-07:00

so... only TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL JONES IS BACK IN TOWN! i know that i'm terribly excited, and all the crew is as well. just counting down! other than that, i've been mostly working on masters app preparation, looking for paying positions and keeping up communications with the brazil project. keep it movin'!

old geezer

2008-06-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

bday today! feeling old, but it's great to have many well-wishes! i'm lucky for that. just'll use the energy to get rolling despite the miserable weather up here.

los hermanos

2008-06-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

after listening to much music by los hermanos (from brazil), i've decided they're one of my favorite artists. probably up there with radiohead, sigur rós, and others. although they broke up they're still kicking as individuals marcelo camelo (http://www.myspace.com/marcelocamelo) and rodrigo amarante (http://www.myspace.com/rodrigoamarante).

finally!!!

2008-06-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

got my gre done: 1290: 570 verbal, 720 on the math. i believe that i did a great job on the writing portion as well, but i'm not really sure how that is taken into account yet. finally! now i can start applying for jobs and focus on getting back in school!

side note, for anyone who takes the gre: remember about the experimental portions, when there are three sections for verbal and analytical (aka 2 of one), one won't count. i figured this out as i did great on the 2nd verbal, only to notice at the end one problem style was different than i had seen in any pretests. ulgh. oh well! sent scores to a three different institutions, we'll see step 2 once i apply!

readying for gre, take 2

2008-06-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

allright, after much preparation, i'm getting on the boxing gloves for round two. tomorrow at noon, i'll take on the heavyweight for the title. just have got to keep my head, concentrate on the details, and not let the time shortage get to me. hope all's well with everyone.
abrçs

busybody

2008-05-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

so many goals, such a short time. ah, it feels good to be overstretched. :) at least i'm optimistic today, let's get on rollin'! if anyone's got some good vibes, please send 'em on my way!

seemingly bad luck

2008-05-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

bad luck. tried to post about yesterday and today, didn't post. whatever.

it's a no-go

2008-05-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

not so hot on the gre. unfortunately math killed me, not that i couldn't solve the problems, rather time ticked away and i found myself with over a half of the questions remaining with only 1/5 of the time remaining. preparing to ready myself for re-test in early june, time to change strategy.

taking the gre

2008-05-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

well, here's the big day of me taking the gre, so wish me luck.

new project already

2008-04-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

wow. things can move surprisingly quickly. have already commenced work on a new project since 04-04-08 that will engage my interest for brazil and the university all in one fell swoop. hopefully here we'll be working between the university, the government and businesses to create further connection, communication and understanding through this. keep your fingers crossed.

new things...

2008-04-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

well. first day off my job, after i decided to change routes to get back to school. there was just too much work to be done at work, causing me to push out my priorities. abrupt end as i had planned to be sticking around today too, but it's fine. my analyst called it perfectly: "there will always be more work to do. you could stick around for another two weeks and you may wrap up most of the remaining items." so, with my strategy aimed at taking the gre by the end of april, to early may, i now begin the studying. i'll need to work to develop more paper topics, so i can look into the possibility of heading to brazil for part of my post graduate studies. already working on getting our car fixed, after it was crashed into in early march.

interesting thing, routine. waking up at 7:30 is a completely different experience than waking up at 5am. i have to build rhythm to study, get things going in the way that need to be going, steer towards goals. the blessing and the curse is that there are so many things that i want to do. that's all for now, but i'm excited

*miscellaneous

2008-03-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

"you can keep what you want
i want none of this
they're just bad memories
i don't want...

am i sunshine
you can pack it all up
and be gone
and be gone

if it matters to you
you can sell it all out
if the price feels right
i won't judge..."

radiohead "i want none of this"

self-explanatory

2007-10-28T19:02:00.000-07:00

in... and out... in.... and out...

2007-07-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

"... Babs who was crying again, hidden from Ronald who was not crying but who hid his face in the sticky smoke, the vodka transformed into a truly saintly halo, Perico the Spanish ghost up on a stool of disdain and Pavlovian stylistics, if everything were able to be extrapolated, if eerything just did not exist, if he were there just so somebody (anybody, but he at the moment, because he was the one who was doing the thinking, in any case he was the one who knew that he was really thinking, eh, Cartesius, you old fuck)..."
- cortázar "rayuela", english translation pg.73

arising memories of past

2007-06-30T13:04:00.000-07:00

going through some old things. here's some legião urbana for thought.

maybe overhaul of page artwork soon. need to create a webpage, blogs are good but i lack the control to build a better structure. maybe dan sid can proverbially "hook a brotha up".

legião urbana - perfeição (perfection)

Vamos celebrar a estupidez humana A estupidez de todas as nações O meu país e sua corja de assassinos Covardes, estupradores e ladrões C7 Vamos celebrar a estupidez do povo G Bb Nossa polícia e televisão C7 Vamos celebrar nosso governo Bb G C7 E nosso estado que não é nação Celebrar a juventude sem escola As crianças mortas Celebrar nossa desunião Vamos celebrar Eros e Thanatos Persephone e Hades F Vamos celebrar nossa tristeza Vamos celebrar nossa vaidade Vamos comemorar como idiotas A cada fevereiro e feriado Todos os mortos na estrada Os mortos por falta de hospitais Vamos celebrar nossa justiça A ganância e a difamação Vamos celebrar os preconceitos O voto dos analfabetos Comemorar a água podre E todos os impostos Queimadas mentiras e sequestro Nosso castelo de cartas marcadas O trabalho escravo Nosso pequeno universo Toda hipocrisia e toda afetação Todo roubo e toda a indiferença Vamos celebrar epidemias: É a festa da torcida campeã Vamos celebrar a fome Não ter a quem ouvir Não se ter a quem amar Vamos alimentar o que é maldade Vamos machucar um coração Vamos celebrar nossa bandeirra Nosso passado de absurdos gloriosos Tudo que é gratuito e feio Tudo que é normal Vamos cantar juntos o hino nacional ( A lágrima é verdadeira ) Vamos celebrar nossa saudade E comemorar a nossa solidão Vamos festejar a inveja intolerância e a incompreensão Vamos festejar a violência Am E esquecer a nossa gente Que trabalhou honestamente a vida inteira agora não tem mais direito a nada Vamos celebrar a aberração De toda a nossa falta de bom senso Nosso descaso por educação Vamos celebrar o horror De tudo isso Com festa, velório e caixão Está tudo morto e enterrado agora Já que também podemos celebrar A estupidez de quem cantou esta canção Venha, meu coração está com pressa Quando a esperança está dispersa Só a verdade me liberta Chega de maldade e ilusão Dm Em Venha, o amor tem sempre a porta aberta E vem chegando a primavera Nosso futuro recomeça: Venha, que o que vem é perfeição

Let's celebrate the human stupidity, the stupidity of all the nations, my country with is band of murderers, Cowards, rapists, and thieves, Let's celebrate the stupidity of the people, Our police and television, Let's celebrate our government, And our state that isn't a nation, Celebrate the youths without school, The dead children, Celebrate our disunion, Let's celebrate Eros, Thanatos, Persephone and Hades, Let's celebrate our sadness, Let's celebrate our vanity. Let's commemorate like idiots, During every February and holiday, All the dead in the roads, The dead because of the lack of hospitals, Let's celebrate our justice, The trickery and defamation, Let's celebrate the discrimination, The vote of the illiterate. Commemorate the bad water, And all the taxes, Burnings, lies and kidnappings, Our castle made of cards, Slave labor, Our small universe, All the Hypocrisy e fakeness, All the thefts, and the indifference, Let's celebrate epidemics, It's the party of the winning team, Let's celebrate the hunger, Not having those who listen, Not having those whom love, Lets feel what is evil, Let's hurt a heart, Let's celebrate our flag, Our past of glorious absurdness, Everything that is gratuitous and ugly, Everything that's normal, Let's sing the national anthem (the tear is true), Let's celebrate our longings, And commemorate our solitude. Let's party in envy, The intolerance and misunderstood, Let's party in violence, And forget of our people, Whom worked honestly their entire lives, And now don't have any rights, Let's celebrate the aberration, Of all our lack of good sense, Our disregard for education, Let's celebrate the horror, Of all this, With a party, funeral and coffin, Is everything dead and buried already?, We can already celebrate, The stupidity of whom sang this song, Come, my heart is with haste, When hope is dispersed, Only the truth frees me, Enough evil and illusion, Come, love always has an open door, And come arriving the spring, Our future begins again, Come, as what comes is perfection.

updates

2007-05-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

ok, updated some good links, things of interest to me. hopefully will update blog better, however, after working for 8-10 hours per day in front of computer, hard to motivate to work any more during weekends or the week.

cheers,

positive vibration

2007-04-19T17:34:00.000-07:00

ok, so once again forever without any post. however, no-one outside of me reads this, so no worries! surprisingly, i've been pretty content today with the workload at work... there always too much to do, although, i feel like i continue to learn quite a bit recently.

in discussion of the recent events at virginia tech, i have been thinking recently about how the world has changed so much in the past few years, at least it seems so to me. i've been listening a lot to the new arcade fire album "neon bible" and for me it epitomizes the post-september 11 structure of the world, the overall fears, full people either holier than thou or pushed to turn things upside-down. after thinking about this, i tried to remember what life was before planes hit buildings... and surprisingly, i can only remember fractured pieces of it, but it seems that we are locked into the reality that now exists, almost without any ties to what was before. i remember barry loukaitis in moses lake, kip kinkel in oregon, then later columbine... interesting how it seems different from what i remember when i was younger, i remember much less fear. the xenophobia, an increasingly fragmented community of individuals, and society based on consumption, competition, and the whirling news and technology that surround us. just some thoughts.

despite all this, i'm having a pretty damn good day.

still around, just not as electric

2007-03-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

"it is of tears that i make the sea to navigate,
let's go,
i didn't see, no, in the end,
i know that here feared coming tenacious like,
as if a little bird,
it is of magic that i fold life in bloom,
like this,
and to the lord of illusion,
let it be known that this one here,
has much more love to give" - los hermanos - "é de lágrima"

all has been well. looking forward at the same time as evaluating current ongoings. hopefully we'll all hear from mr. jones, as we (i speak for the group of former housemates and best buds) miss him. not too much news, but all is well.

where is your ambition?

2007-01-23T22:24:00.000-08:00

we live in an age of forgetfulness
and obliviousness of the beauty
which surrounds us.
connects us

bound by threads, created and
destroyed by ourselves simultaneously

understanding and being sentient
so temptingly close, flirtingly,
as illusions of our own grandeur distract

by looking at how small we are,
the cogs that we serve as,
one can find humility,
the key to these self-binding chains

by looking at how broadly we influence each other,
we can understand how powerful we are

we need to forget...
everything that can seem so important
and remember...
all that seemed so trivial, easy

we are waves, lapping away at our foundations,
powerful enough to destroy what we are given,
fragile enough to be wiped out from existence,
at the flicker of the cosmos;
the beckon of a divine finger.

...1...16...2007

back from brazil

2007-01-06T20:22:00.000-08:00

what a fantastic trip! although it turned out to be more of a busy vacation than a relaxed one, my wife and i were able to see her whole family, spend two different christmas celebrations with her paternal and maternal sides of the family, spend new years in the state of rio de janeiro and i was even able to make a trip to visit my host families in campinas, são paulo. well i took forever to post this, but hopefully i'll catch up back into the routine of posting. i have something else to post, we'll see if i don't post it today.

"and how did you feel..." "...regret..."

2006-12-17T00:53:00.000-08:00

ok. it's been an interesting week. why, you may ask, am i up at nearly 1am although i am generally to bed very early, even on the weekends? because i'm thinking about how good the world can be. not always me, but the world itself.

ok. lemme explain myself. today, and this past week, i have been not as good of a husband to my wife as i should have. not that i have done anything particularly wrong, however, i have lacked the extra energy put into some pivotal moments. there was today, when i was organizing some papers, that i know she wanted me to organize, and i was taking up the whole table. she wanted a spot to sit down and eat, and i simply threw some papers to the floor, symbolizing discontent with her request. also, i made a big deal about her talking to her family while i was cleaning the house, even though i know that she has many a time done far more than me.

we went out to my new company's holiday party, and it was rather fun, relaxing, and simply good to mingle, everyone really enjoyed talking and meeting my wife. so, we were in the cab on the way home, we got out, i came inside and realized i had left my cell in the cab. i called my cell, but realized it was on vibrate. surprisingly, i became frantic. my wife first calmly told me to let it go, and that maybe i'd have luck tomorrow, but i continued my wallowing and blaming of myself, and she essentially told me to pull myself together, to which made me deeply upset. i called the cab company, finally got through to them and they replied that they'd check it out. after twiddling around on guitar, i finally forced myself to bed, still at arms with my wife, at the same time, dejected that nothing had come of my efforts. nearly immediately the land line rang. it was a fellow calling telling me that he had found my cell in a cab. i found myself hoping that he would be in the area or even if he could drop by and drop it off, selfishly. but instead, he was around 2 miles away (pretty damn close anyway). locating the address on the computer, it was a straight shot from my place, but down many hills, and my foot ain't that great, especially when i want speed. but i thanked him and told him i'd be down there in a bit. i put on my jacket, and my wife, half-asleep, told me to take her phone with me, which i did. then i ran. and i ran. and i ran some more. my feet and lungs were providing me quite a bit of pain, and i wondered if i was a fool for not taking a cab, as the bus routes were over for the evening, that would have taken me near the place where he was at. arriving at the bar, finally, i called him (my phone's number), and attempted to get inside the bar, where the doorman shoved me out (there was a huge line, and he must've thought i was cutting). but i saw him stepping out to try to listen to me (but i had already hung up), and i waved, and he beckoned me to the side door, where he and a friend or girlfriend opened the door. i thanked him, and hoped that he would understand the favor that he did for me, and told him/wished that i could get him a drink or something, but he said it was ok, and went back inside to the salsa music playing. outside i was very happy. not (at least, not ALL) because i had obtained the phone, in less than 1.5 hours of losing it. rather, for other and grander reasons.

the fact that everything could have gone wrong, and yet a kind act was the result of the interaction. i know that losing a cell phone could never be even 1/1000th of the same category as starving, as being tortured, as being forced to kill other people. however, thinking about the overall effect, this simply provides evidence that people, with nothing to gain, can actually help other people just because. feeling helpless, without any possible manner of taking action, submitting to this and giving in to the greater forces, only to be pushed in a positive direction by a caring stranger is something that kindles a fire inside of me. but the greater importance will be the test for me to go out of my way to help others, not only because others do the same for me, but rather even if NO ONE were to do good things i should compel myself to do good for others.

it's curious. i normally see cities in such a negative light. the large structures, with concrete buildings, with cars, and people scurrying like ants. i see the destruction of the community, essentially the soul and hearth of civilization. but, through small interactions, through small parts of care, communities are re-built, or foundations are riveted and futures are much more promising. what distresses me is the the commodification of happiness, the naturalization of struggle and competition as daily aspects of life (i mean, defeating others), the measuring of people by the what-can-they-do-for-you? mentality. but i can also see positives, i can see people walking, cars moving in/out, just like blood, tiny vessels of communication between the larger system that is the city, pulsing with life.

it's funny that one of the things i most pride myself in is being thankful, however, i'm seeing myself increasingly less thankful, less giving of myself, and more egotistical. people write me emails, call me, go out of their way to show that they think about me, and i have the infrequent habit of touching back to them, and don't think as i should be about what i can do to make them special, to make them feel good unexpectedly. i believe that i need to recognize better everything that i'm given, i need to focus on this, and extend my hand to anyone that i can, to provide support.

and i need to look at this first and foremost with my wife. i need to reach out so that i'm not doing what's expected, i'm not doing what's necessary, i'm doing what's beyond that. i once repeated endlessly to her that "what makes life special is not doing what's necessary, it's every small detail that goes beyond necessary that makes life special and happy", and i should be living this more than i am. another thing i recognize is this: when i arrived home, she stated that she didn't know why i was so disturbed about my cell phone, as i didn't want it before, and now i couldn't lose it, not even for a night. my response was that i have a one-track-mind. indeed. i think about this, about the things i've conquered through being single-mindedly obsessed with something, and i realize that my intensity has seemingly subsided. it is definately something i need to re-cultivate, as that is what fuels my achievement, my dreams are twin engines that can blast energy, but only if i pursue it as such. if i live as i ran tonight. anyhow, it's a little late, and i'm off for now. thank you, michael, wherever, whoever you are, for causing me to ruminate about such things from the simple action of picking up my cell phone, and calling the most recently dialed number.

so so so so

2006-12-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

so.. i'm computing it up at home a lot less than i had initially anticipated. this is probably due to the fact that ALL of my work is done in front of a screen, which results in me staying away from whatever screen may possibly try to lure me in. news news: jones is going to uganda. prettydamn awesome, get to learn new cultures, traditions, see some mountain gorillas, and be in a huge hotspot in africa (not on fire like congo, or old news like rwanda, but at least it's pretty safe and he'll learn a lot!), and i'm really happy for him. i think it'll be a great experience. work is going very well for being work, i'm learning a lot every day, and feeling challenged, at the same time, i have very kind and interesting coworkers, which always makes a job a lot better. seen a few friends around but then again, i kinda live to work for the moment. but it seems like my coworkers work long long hours. especially the buyers. but we'll see, my life is all about balance, and it is something i intend to maintain, through being able to put enough force during the work hours to not need to chalk up the extra outside. life is great, have had plenty of time to relax with my wife, make some good dinners, drink plenty of wine, maybe some beer. see some really interesting movies.. try checking out the road to guantanamo or "promises" (about some israeli kids and palestinian kids). really touching/shocking/makesyouwannachangecurrentsituations
/fulfilling/morethanthesappycrapthatnormallyismoviesnowadays.
been listening to a lot of sigur rós. a lot. really. a lot, but i don't have time to let my tiny device that listens to music update my computer and my .fm server. we shall see. soon enough i'll be far away for two weeks. but it'll all be very very very good. hope all is very well throughout the world.

looks like weekly posts seem more likely than daily

2006-12-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

once again, a long time with no news. all has been well, though. at work, i've continued to focus on understanding some basic connections that are present throughout the entire company, and on friday i began my first task in my area of work, which felt really gratifying to finally engage in. on wednesday, there was as massive snowstorm here in seattle, and my wife and i were astonished at how big the flakes were, as they were falling beneath the streetlights, it looked as if sparks were being shot from the lights, looking down a street had a very dramatic and beautiful effect. my grandparents were in town for dinner on friday, and it was good to meet up with them, as well.

on saturday, we went out to galen's place for some delicious food and plenty of wine, and that was a blast. i also had to make a long trip out to kirkland to try to get my visa for brasil, as my wife and i leave in less than 3 weeks, so it's definately something needing to get done. we also bought a christmas tree (well, a baby one, which will be fun to decorate, and will be our fifth plant here in the apartment), i'm already enjoying to see so much green at home. today, i stayed around the house during the early day to afternoon, then went out with arya and jones to cedars for some chai and food, and later on to the galway arms to have a beer. it was great to have so much discussion, reaching from what we would like to improve in ourselves, to vegetarianism, to genetically making meat, to world views, nature vs. creating ones own environment, legalizing drugs and so forth. needless to say, we didn't always agree, but i felt like the discussion covered so much, and our analyses were so well backed up by evidence, that i think it was very productive, and fresh, a good experience to start out next week. hopefully we can get more regular about these meetings-up!

i've been thinking that i need to concentrate on what i want to do with various aspects of my life, for example, languages. i need to finish up german, so i can already get started on french and italian, then i can pursue others. but, again, the focus should be quality and not quantity, so i need to be careful about balancing these particular objectives. so far, i should concentrate on doing a great job at work, and focus on stretching my energy to expand to doing more, until i get to a point that is good, so i'm not completely exhausted when i get home, but that when i go to sleep, i'm needing to recharge. all is well, though, thankfully, and i'm very blessed to have all that i do.

weekend/holiday update, it's snowing like crazy in seattle!!!

2006-11-26T15:44:00.000-08:00

had a great weekend, including the friday off! it's always great to break up the monotony of things, and my wife and i went with our friends meg and john to yakima, prosser and sunnyside for wine tastings, pay $20 per person and try approx. 5 wines per winery, which equals a lot of black teeth for us red wine drinkers, and poor john having to do the designated driving while the rest of us are dying of laughter and talking about random subjects! but it was really interesting to be back where i'm originally from, surprisingly at the first place that we went to, we ran into a family friend who is starting up his own winery with his own grapes. it was very lucky, as he steered us towards which would be the most interesting wineries to visit. when there are 50 to choose from, it's much better to find a few to visit rather than shooting fish in a barrel. then, i believe at the 2nd winery, ran into a friend i haven't seen since 1999, i'm amazed that she recognized me!
as john commented, it's great to get out of the city, see rolling hills, and a relatively barren landscape, just refreshing after all the movement. but then again, the lack of restaurants drove us mad, so leaving wasn't too bad. john made a comment that coffee would soon be dead, due to all the indulgence into the energy drinks, the cocaine of coffee's coca. he also commented, contrary to nathaniel's prediction that pennies are instruments of the devil (or maybe not contrary, as he simply commented that pennies will be forever, and if they are indeed instruments of the devil, then they'll probably be around forever anyway!). Over the pass there was plenty of snow, and after a little bit of hail here in seattle, it's now fairly consistantly snowing for over 2.5 hours. i'm not particularly keen that it snows too much, work tomorrow seems exciting, after tomorrow, one less day of training until i'm doing my real job. i'm always eager to be participating with the rest of the team.
my wife and i spent most of our woken hours today self-lessly cleaning the house, which was a huge task, as we had to wash clothes, bedsheets, clean the kitchen and bathroom, and get rid of all the dust around on the floor, shelves, and everywhere else. had to leave the windows open, as well to get the smell of chemicals relatively dispersed. anyhow, it's been a great holiday/weekend and hopefully next week is as good or better than last week!

thanksgiving and an update on my professional life

2006-11-23T09:47:00.000-08:00

i know that it's been taking a while to post, an although my days so far at work not exactly chock full of things to do, mostly completing beginner's training, as to build enough knowledge so that when i start out in action, that i have at least an immediate working knowledge of where things are. the rest will only be tested when i'm in action, but the company is very cool, high speed, and always interesting. i figure i'll be "scrubbing", checking data from different inventory monitors, to make sure our supply chain has close to no kinks.

thanksgiving always gets me thinking, although i must admit thinking about the food which i deeply enjoy, about all the positive elements that i have in my life. i wanted to call some people that have had a major influence on my life recently, however on the day of, i was not able to do so, as my cell died. but hopefully i will be able to write emails to many of them before this weekend is over. i feel that this is the true act of thanksgiving, realizing what we are given, all the good things in our life, having jobs, having family and friends near, understanding oneself and your goals, and asking for guidance and help in overcoming our shortcomings to achieve what we hope in life, and to have a positive impact on everyone that you deal with on a daily basis.

shortly before thanksgiving, i wrote out a vast email looking over the past recent events in my life, and i felt that they were overall very positive, although i had been looking back to my frustrations of not having a job, but the email's intent was to keep my eyes on the horizon, to always take account of our dreams and not get sucked into the day-to-day style of living. otherwise, life passes by quickly, but it's not a race, rather it's something to savor, and you need to know what will be most important for your to achieve. setting priorities was one of the things that i learned is important while at my job over the summer, not for simply your career, but also to be able to extend into your personal life.

ok, so i wrote this two days ago, and wanted to fill this out a little more before i finished it. thus the late-ness.

last day before new job

2006-11-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

today was a nice-paced day, although my wife and i started the day early in the morning by traveling to renton and then to black diamond with some of my co-workers from my last job. we had a very filling breakfast, and actually felt a little stomach ache later in the afternoon, but the food was delicious and the company was excellent! arriving home, my wife talked to her mother, and it appears that we may not see her for the entire period of time in which we'll be in brazil, which made her sad, because the point of our trip is not site-seeing, rather being with the whole family, and her mother is the keystone of the family. we went to pick up some 300 photos that we picked for an album to illustrate our year here in seattle, and watched office space.

i believe that i forgot to mention that friday morning i sent out a massive email to friends, just to give them a heads-up on how my life is going, what news and events have passed. turned out to be rather large, but few people responded, we'll see if maybe more respond later. i am anxious and eager for tomorrow, being my first day at a consistent workplace. i really think it'll be an environment where i'll be able to grow, and i want to focus and hone my skills from the beginning, i want to seek to impress beyond expectations. that is my goal.

on thursday night, as i had already commented, i saw galen play some songs, and i really must say that i admire his brutal honesty and storytelling, it's like he's ripping himself open on the stage in front of everyone, and i think that is very very bold, and something that most people couldn't do. i think it embues a certain quality in all of his songs that make them have an impact on the listener, rather than sing about some abstract ideas.

last night, my wife and I, along with john and meg, went out to the "six arms" bar. we enjoyed the mcmenamin's ales that they offer, drinking two pitchers of the "rubinator", a combination of a stout, and a raspberry tinged lighter ale. however, the real party started after we had finished drinking, and were paying our bill. suddenly, a "balkan brass band" (which we later found out about), entered, and it was as if a parade had entered the bar. we could tell it was impromptu, or the first time they'd done anything like it, as a massive group of people following the band came into the bar, some even asked if they were in the way of our waitress! they played about 5-6 songs, which our table accompanied with loud clapping and whistles, and they took off, leaving some czech republic and euro coins on the ground, and handing us their card. we walked along with the band in the street, to get back to the way to our place, but it was almost like carnaval, simply amazing the energy that the band generated, and everyone watching was drawn towards it like moths to a bright light. i think that really topped the evening off in a fantastic manner!

so, that's a better recap than i have been posting recently, and i have high hopes about a great day tomorrow!

attempted postings...

2006-11-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

recently, i've been trying to post, but sometimes it won't post or won't even access the site to be able to post. yesterday (friday), i had quite a busy day, as i had to organize the house before our friends came over for dinner, head down to meet up with jonathan to go over the first chapter that he has been writing. on campus, i ran into two other people that i haven't seen in forever, and had a chat with them, returned and prepared dinner. my wife and her friends arrived, and we were able to have a fairly leisurely dinner, but at the same time, galen would be playing at café allegro, so i headed out, albeit a little late however in time for galen's performance. i saw lawrence and jones there, which was good to see them, i haven't seen them in a while. my first day of work at my new job will be on monday, and i'm really anxious to start up, to learn all about how the company works, and to do a great job as a part of the company. anyhow, it's saturday morning and i'm going to help with breakfast if i still can get some time in. hopefully the blog isn't difficult to access in the near future, because i'm going to have even more limited time to write, where i've had whole days in the recent past.

keep it rolling...

2006-11-15T17:24:00.000-08:00

today was an overall good day, outside of the miserable rainy, windy, cold, and overcast day that it was here in seattle. today, before i sign any agreements, i wanted to make my intentions of winter travel to brazil visible. and it appears that it will be feasible, so far. i called marszal, and went to have some lunch with him, talk about how everything in his life is going. we then went back together to the u district, as i had to pick up some brazilian groceries, and i bought two cds which were spectacularly discounted, suba's "são paulo confessions", and a vinícius de moraes collection. i was tempted to buy more but i held myself back, and bought some blank white paper to print upon. tonight, my wife and i will go out together for our celebration of my new job, probably get some fancy pizza nearby our place. my old professor and friend jonathan shot me a call to check what i thought on a draft that he sent me and it was nice to hear back from him. the pizza place was good, food was fairly light, which is good for my diet. i actually meant to post this last night, but i didn't get around to it.

new job!

2006-11-14T16:39:00.004-08:00

ok. verdict out this afternoon, and i officially am expecting documents in the mail in order to start a new position next week! i'm really anxious for this opportunity, i've been waiting slightly over two months, so it is a vast relief and satisfying to hear the results. right now, i'm boiling some corned beef with cabbage, potatoes, and carrots for dinner, bought my wife's favorite beer, and jones is stopping by for a visit. other than that, i just watched "v for vendetta" and have been murking around the house, but the news from the afternoon makes this a better than expected day! not terribly productive, but whatever. :) hmm. i should try to get something to chart what music i play and post here, just for kicks. but then again, i'm only gonna be here for the rest of this week, then my waking hours will be spent working!

monday, monday

2006-11-13T10:20:00.000-08:00

update. professional life: waiting in extreme anxiety to hear about if i can finally have a position, and be busy and "a productive member of society".

some thoughts...

2006-11-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

ok, before anything else, i had some thoughts right now. the first and fundamental step in life, to me, is to know thyself. everything else unfolds afterwards, but it is important to know the lens in which you see the world before you go any further into analyzing it. ok, step one taken, now strap yourself in.

but, about truth. there is no great big TRUTH, at least not one that we wrap our minds around. it is not monolithic, unless you consider that it is in itself everything. we lie on the scaffolds of the ediface that is existence. but this doesn't matter to us. being small components of the universe, of life, of energy, we can only observe the face/area that is nearest to us. humans, i believe, can be very noble creatures, although we are also capable of deep and hysterical evil. (possibly similar to shiva in the hinduism, creating and destroying). we will indeed try to scope out this "ediface". but i don't believe that we'll ever be able to understand, and therein is the beauty and the challenge of the task. however, back to our truths, it becomes essentially irrelevant what is indeed the TRUTH, and rather more important what our individual "truths" are. ask yourself this, is perception greater than an event or situation itself? when writing an empirical paper, scientists first set out with a hypothesis, a proposal of what happened. this will always come from their individual viewpoints. despite alterations of these viewpoints, we cannot change our lenses, we can try to make them larger, shift the angle that we're observing something, but we cannot pull "the god trick", as social science terms it, meaning removing your perspective.

ok, you're probably wondering, with all this ongoing nonsense about there being no truth that we can observe, the futility of it all, what is the point? the point is to allow yourself to be flexible, and revert back to what i had described as the first and fundamental step of life, knowing yourself. through knowing yourself, you can get a glimpse of other lenses, and understand your biases, we all indeed have them.

what would we gain by this? maybe the "west" would be more understanding and allow for different forms of governance in the middle east, instead of "inspiring" a top-down, inorganic democracy in iraq. maybe "conservatives" and "liberals" would find common ground in the u.s. rather than seeing each other as adversaries. maybe criminals would be looked upon not as inherently evil and static, but as a measuring stick to see how well government is serving its people, and we can build schools and opportunities rather than prisons.

the last title was very accurate

2006-11-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

the past couple of days have been extremely full for me, compared to the last two months. things finally kicked up in relation to looking to deepen my career skills. on thursday i had interviews from 11:30 to 16:00 hours nonstop, the company seems very youthful, constantly dynamic, based on teams and communication and uses a lot of technology, so i feel that it would be a great opportunity for me to build my skills. my wage will probably be pretty close to what i had desired to start out in, if i get the position.

so arriving home on thursday, was completely exhausted, and heard an answering machine message about a day job working for an event company at microsoft, which started at 7:00. i decided to accept, which ended up causing me to wake up at 5:45, starting the day out low on energy, as on thursday, i only ate breakfast and dinner, and friday i only ate a snack in the afternoon and further snacks down the evening. then after coming home, i watched a movie and waited for my wife to arrive home, in the meantime recieving a call about the position that i was interviewing for, saying that everyone had a very positive perspective of me.

friday night we decided to have a game night over here, two other couples came by, my wife made hot chocolate with cognac, i made some bruschetta, and we had some boursin cheese and crackers, and also later on some wine and other alcohols. we played cranium, and my wife's game "detective" which consists of victims, a detective, and a killer who kills by winking. it was a great time, the other two couples, john and meg, and karissa and jared, are really cool, we all have some similarities, but at the same time many different strengths. the game night ended around 1:00 and i collapsed in bed, after a tiring two days.

my brother and his girlfriend are up in canada visiting my grandparents, i hope they have a nice trip. the rest of my family is around, but i haven't seen everyone except for eric for a week or so. i really miss seeing jones, arya, dave, nathaniel, it's been hard to coordinate getting together this time, and hopefully in the near future we'll figure some sort of consistant even, which i've been claiming for some time now, with no success in planning. anyhow, i think i'd better do the dishes, but all is well. i'll hear back about a position on monday, and the other company that i wanted to get a position with will also enter into contact with me on monday. options, options, eh?

i didn't disappear, was just busy

2006-11-11T01:22:00.000-08:00

beautiful sun in seattle!

2006-11-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

well, election results went far better than i could have expected! so far, it seems the rest of the world is taking this in a rather good way, from the different papers that i read from france, britain and brazil, and reading what the new york times had to say about foreign opinion, especially in the middle eastern region of the world. i'd love to read about places that were actually against the shift in politics (internationally) as i generally see only a domestic pushback against such actions. even japan, that had strong ties to bush, is looking to connect better with the new structure inside u.s. politics. it'd be really interesting to be back at school and to hear about what the political scientists and international studies professors are saying about this shift. i already owe a professor a translation of a song, hopefully i'll do that today, and inquire what she had felt in regards to what went on yesterday.

for some particular reason, today i woke up rather creative, and after walking my wife to work, on the way home i saw many different things that looked interesting to photograph. i walked back, took the photos, then manipulated them using photoshop, putting together two to three images and melding them in many different ways. the results were very pleasing, and now i have very good resolutioned images, one that i'm now using as the desktop image. if i were still writing music, and the album had a natural feel to it, i'd probably use the images as the art. however, music for me has been slow (glacial) going, so they'll just sit on my computer for now. i was having real fun putting my sketches over the images, and i've learned a new technique in photoshop to isolate a complicated image from a background, it took a while to actually get done, but it will really help me improve my digital art. i'm listening to mice parade's "mokoondi" and "ramda", very positive sounding albums, generally instrumental and circular rhythms, but beautiful and optimistic.

election day

2006-11-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

well! it appears that the democrats might come out of this one with the power. although i'm not ultimately convinced by either parties, i tend to prefer democrats over republicans, so hopefully tonight will be a celebratory night.

on the on-going work-finding situation, so far no new opportunities have appeared, but there is the gleaming prospect of thursday, and i really hope that either that position works out, or that some other opportunities appear on the horizon. you never know, i guess that's the blessing and the curse of life.

"all this weight is on it's worse, we're moderate, we modernize"

2006-11-06T16:27:00.000-08:00

what a rainy, pretty miserable looking and feeling day. i had a really good in-person interview, however i didn't get the position. i'm still looking at the physical interview on thursday, which gives me hope, but i think i'm going to start reaching back into the company where i was looking at temping and looking to more permanent positions. i think that's why i was brushed off today, but no offense taken, possibly better for me anyway. we can never know reasons for everything, right?
the title of this post is a lyric from "our hell" by emily haines and the soft skeleton. i liked the idea of being moderate by modernizing, reminds me a lot of an international studies/sociology class, we really went deep into the ideas of being modern. discussed how the majority world (or global south, as it is also known as) generally embraces what is considered as "modern", and seeking to throw out the "traditional", although this generally serves to entrench those who can be "modern" in power, as they hold the power to closer observe the "global north". i think so much is lost in our seeking newer and "better" things.
here we see the black impact of "globalization", as integration occurs. for example, the brazilian amazon, as tribes are discovered, they choose to integrate with the population. this, in general, is good for brazil, as it binds it's people in a more all-encompassing identity. but also, it must be recognized that slowly, as the tribes untouched disappear, and are introduced to portuguese, most will probably choose to participate in the city environments, and as languages slowly dry up, so goes all the knowledge that was not able to be translated or originated in their original culture. i believe that many traditions have deep roots, and resonate within cultures for reasons, and i think that as we deconstruct these traditions we cause ourselves to feel more vacant and distant. i believe that modernity has to be grown contextually, from a firm traditional base, in order to maintain robust, and to provide deeper and more rewarding contributions to society rather than simply providing a materialist cover/ caricature of the consumerist world that the global north is indeed engaged in. "globalization" as homogenization serves to cause the "clash of civilizations" as samuel huntington terms it (which i strongly disagree with, as it stands to be a gross distortion to what the world is in the first place, as being very biased towards the current ideas about "development" as positive).
i'm not saying i don't think that cosmopolitan communities are good, much to the contrary, that they are indeed progressive by presenting options for different cultures and allowing spaces to coexist rather than stifling them by banning or discriminating. nor am i citing the united states as the pillar of the free world, i believe that many ideas here, on which we were founded, are very important, but the manner that we've constructed our culture, indeed a very new culture that was defined after fordism, and will continue changing. i don't know who said it, but i've heard a saying that "the only constant is change", and that is indeed true for this world. there are some areas that are isolated, but these are isolated on purpose from the "global north" for lack of interest. with the current crises faced by the world, i don't know why those who follow the huntingtonian ideas of the world haven't prescribed a "conversion" strategy to convert the undecided and push the decided towards an ideological rebirth of the cold war.

ok, i did have a post for yesterday, just a little late...

2006-11-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

all right, well friday night was very slow and i simply had to get out of the house so i walked around a little park near our apartment and came back and wrote this:

13-11-06 23:00
time... time is a helpful concept in general, helping us set goals and be able to break down life into portions providing time for rest and time for work. on the other hand, time serves as an excuse for putting things off, for living in the future or the past. 2 hours becomes 2 days, which become 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, 20 years... mind you, i only accept "carpe diem" to a certain extend, i am generally not fatalistic, but rather miss the passion of living every moment as if it were my last. once again, to practice this would be dangerous, however the feeling of humility at the same time as capability is very refreshing. while walking through the park tonight, i observed a girl, all bundled up in the cold, playing trumpet. it was around 22:30, and odd to see, but it made me wonder "why?". it could be as simple as those living with her or near her would not tolerate the volume. but, then again, it could be more complex, maybe the trumpet at this hour is nostalgic, tying her back to something far away. or, she may work from 8 to 20 hours or 6 to 22 hours and be winding down after work. or, maybe it is her dream and goal to learn to play the trumpet and she wants to spend all the time she can training up. i just seem to see a lesson here, of passion; we must not let ourselves get too wrapped up in time, otherwise a day working in front of a computer becomes a lifetime, and when we die, we have to ask ourselves "what have i accomplished?" however, it's ever so hard to be so determined, to have enough energy and persistence.

well. that's it for now, i'll probably update later on tonight to try to make up for yesterday's lack of posting. it was a nicely slow day, we cleaned the home, and then went to watch "babel" which was very engaging and over all very good. afterwards, i made some chili and rice, and in the evening we went to a really fancy bar that makes drinks from scratch, fresh squeezed rather than mixes, called "sun liquor". great bartender, eric, as well, really focuses on personal touch, satisfaction and connection with the customers. i must say that that is what makes expensive drinks indeed worth their value.

today continues positive, as yesterday did

2006-11-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

wow. today so far is excitingly exceeding my expectations. first, i checked my email and recieved a personalized email saying that a particular company had seen my skill set, mentioned these skills and why they would be important for the company, so i shot them a résumé, and now will talk to them this afternoon. the temporary agency called to tell me that i'll have an interview on monday for the temporary/contract position in the company that i have been hoping for. i recieved an email from a friend inside that company just checking up on me. also, another friend is working on maybe getting me talking to a gaming company, so i'm overwhelmed, but in a very good way, as i've been waiting for two months to get something of this caliber.

today is particularly dreary outside here in seattle, that never-ending sprinkling of rain, the overcast sky, the cold weather with a strong wind. i wish i could have a fireplace in this apartment, but the heater is very comforting anyway! hopefully my wife and i will have a game night tonight with some friends, maybe make some hot cocoa. last night, i made my favorite coconut chicken curry recipe, which i'll share as i had earlier promised: chicken poached in coconut curry. it's really flavorful, and fast to prepare, as well as only requiring five ingredients: chicken, coconut milk, curry, chicken broth and yams. last night, watched kiki's delivery service, i dig the miyazaki films. saw castle in the sky the other night, but i think princess mononoke will remain my top, followed by spirited away. howl's moving castle was good, but i preferred the previous two that i mentioned.

so now, i'm sitting here, listening to "takk..." by sigur rós, thinking about maybe putting on"( )" after it.. just some positive sounds to keep my spirits high, eating reheated left-over curry, which is really nice and warming. looks like no physical exercize today, unless game night does indeed come up.

a long (in a good way) day

2006-11-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

allright! pretty smooth sailing today, went to a professional temp agency, and it looks like i might get some great possibilities there. also had a few business contacts get back to me about things, so that feels really good. it's raining here in seattle, and this doesn't help for morale, but i think i can get myself on the right track if 1) i stop focusing on minor screw-ups i make and 2) if i cut my extended talking down to just slightly above what needs to be said. i think i'm a good communicator, but efficiency tends not to be my thing. went out with jones, arya and dave, first to the satellite, which was ok, and then had a blast at the more lively cha cha lounge, where we had the 40 of pbr, and took some photos in the booth. i'll have to go to uw and scan the photos to put them digitally where i'd like them. as december is approaching i'm increasingly anxious and thinking about travelling. i think that it is something deeply important to me. hopefully tomorrow will be as good as today was, and i'll try to count all my blessings, i really should.

burnptcruisers strikes back

2006-11-01T16:42:00.000-08:00

it appears as if i can see the light from the end of this lengthy tunnel i've been navigating may be approaching. turns out that a temp agency might be able to get me into a large international company, that i had been hoping for. so, tomorrow may be the day i've been waiting for, i'll keep my fingers crossed and my spirits high.

halloween was pretty cool, but absolutely chill. watched donnie darko, neither my wife or myself can handle the terror flicks, so it would be of no use to rent those. no costumes this year, but there can be hopes for next year! i can't wait until december, my wife and i will be able to head to brazil, probably my favorite place in the world, my second home. it's been far too long since i've been there for more than a year, which is longer than any other period in the past 6 years. i'm not showing off, it's simply where i believe i will spend many years of my life.

"and your fear of being afraid of being afraid, don't make confusion of my strength"
"e o teu medo de ter medo de ter medo, não faz da minha força confusão"
legião urbana - "daniel na cova dos leões"

old sketch

2006-10-31T20:47:00.000-08:00

old sketch that i did, improved by accidental bending and rain.

"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."

2006-10-31T08:55:00.000-08:00

stole the title from mr. strew, who took it from mr. josh billings.

sunday. it was very nice, slow, the weekend actually turned out to go very well-paced! in saying this, i mean that instead of blurring by in a burst, each day was very lengthy and good. monday, i neglected to post due to my dreary spirits. i seem to have lost the little snap in my step, meaning i've not become as perky, enthusiastic and confident as i have been, so i'm working on developing that. i did manage to do laundry, change the towels and bedsheets, buy eric's present, take out the garbage, apply for a job, watch a dvd. now my plan is tweaking the minor details brown has suggested in my résumé and kick it up a notch. i'm drinking some arabian mocha java, which is by far my favorite starbucks blend, which i showed to jared and john when they were over on thursday, and listening to copious amounts of thom yorke's two singles off "the eraser", the b-sides are good but not as brilliant as the album... with the possible exception of jetstream. marzsal called yesterday, i tried reaching out to steve and my mother, however not much luck. when you're trapped at home all day looking for jobs, existance can seem kind of dismal, but i need to pull myself together.

i'm considering employing some techniques in this blog, using my political science and sociology background, to analyze current events, kind of like what other political blogs are running, however my fear is that this may transform the sentiment of the blog. if i do head in that direction, i must keep myself with the proper mindset, being that i will always be analyzing the world from my particular lens. this could mean that my perspective is very useful, or not terribly. but i find sitting down and talking to people about this in a coffeehouse or in a bar is the best way of conveying my theories, not via text.

i believe in every human being on earth, there is something to be learned, and there's always something i can share. this, i'm afraid has been hidden away, as i don't meet people very often anymore, there's this whole "get caught up in myself" thing, which means theories/ideas can get stuck in a rut. it's good to meet up with galen, rich, arya, jones and marszal, they're always good at providing different perspectives and branching me out. however, this is happening with less and less frequency. but, that's understandable, know that i am married, and fernanda provides so much support, and has been near selfless in pushing for me to succeed in accomplishing my own personal goals, and i have much to be thankful for this. anyhow, i am trying to be a better man of action, so i must head off and start making some headway. hope all is well, goodwill among men regardless beliefs, culture, or custom.

é lula! (it's lula!)

2006-10-29T18:24:00.000-08:00

congratulations to all brazilians, lula has won the re-election, and i believe that this will bring much good to the brazilian people. many have commented that he hasn't accomplished all that he had set out to do, but i'd like to remind those doubters that first, very rarely do candidates accomplish all that they hope to do, and secondly, the social situation in brazil is very deeply rooted, and such grand changes such as that lula has hoped for will take much time. this news ended my day very well!

parabéns para todos brasileiros, o lula ganhou a reeleição, e acredito que vai trazer muita bondade para o povo brasileiro. muitos tem comentado que ele não tenha conseguido tanta mudança quanto ele tinha em mente a fazer, mas eu gostaria de lembrar os que duvidaram que primeiro, é muito raro que candidatos cumprem tudo que queriam fazer, e segundo, a situação social no brasil tem raízes muito profundo, e mundanças tão grandes quanto as que o lula espera vão tomar muito tempo. com estas notícias, meu dia terminou muito bem!

saturdays are always so nice

2006-10-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

ok ok ok. fewer feelings in the world are better than waking up on a saturday, especially when you don't work on saturday. dinner last night was great, i may start sharing my favorite recipes the day after, 1) forcing me to branch out and find new recipes, 2) possibly interesting for whoever stumbles on this blog. all is well, just tweaking some art, and not being terribly productive.

ok, let's get back into the swing of things!

2006-10-27T13:16:00.000-07:00

yes! these are the types of mornings i love to have. last night, my wife and i went to our friends' place, we had a delicious dinner and excellent game/catching up. so today had coffee with two of the guys from last night, got some support, as well as learning about their experiences, and i really feel enthusiastic once again! it's great to be optimistic, i just need to fan the flames, keep hope high and move forward! i'll probably add some more information, although i feel like this is simply a journal, that although anyone can read it, they probably aren't. i guess it justifies talking to one's self. no?

stripping down the boat, streamlining

2006-10-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

well... ok. today is the first day of the rest of my life (a quote that i don't like, however is applicable, so i'll let it slide this time), so i'm going to start employing more drastic measures than in the past. i've been unemployed for nearly 1.75 months, and i've realized how much concentration is actually necessary for me to achieve a new position. galen says, life is about sharing your love, via work, via friends, via *you name it* vessel. i think that's right on, however, i think that i'm too disorganized to die a happy man without being further organized. today i'm going to set myself on a rigid regiment. first: physical exercize (got to get those endorphins moving, some positive vibrations). second: no hold barred search through opportunities and contacts that i already have and need to utilize (despite how much i disdain the connotations of networking). lastly: i'm to mend some pants i have, and try to keep in touch with friends. i think this will be a very nice day, and i've still got a lot of time, as it's nearly 8am, and i have until around 5:15pm to get things done!

lessee how this works...

2006-10-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

ello. welcome to a possible in-out, update when possible blog that follows my day to day, or month to month.